


The Best of Us

by idiotstolovers



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Character building, F/M, Introspection, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, canon-compliant universe wise, diverging in parts from the story of TLOU Part 2, idiots to lovers, mentions of violence and cannibalism according to canon, relationship building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27596582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idiotstolovers/pseuds/idiotstolovers
Summary: Joel and Ellie nearly die on their way back to Jackson, Wyoming.  Traumatized, tired and with a tentative new bond between them, they move forward into a new, very different life. Luckily there are new friends to be found that are not easily deterred by their wounds and flaws. And there is a woman who likes to laugh, to get into other people's business and help and heal were she can. Maybe she can help heal their bond. Maybe she can move more.It has been long since either of them had a home.
Relationships: Joel (The Last of Us)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	1. A Dying Girl In The Mud

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this is going yet, but I do know that Joel needs a smooch.

Somewhere above him a woman was laughing.

Joel tried to open his eyes and turn his head, but all he saw was the pale sky above him.

He strained his neck, the blood rushing in his head, but there, through the pounding of his heartbeat, he heard it again. There was a solid chance he was going crazy, but he pushed he thought aside and his lips open. He prayed that they weren’t hunters, that they heard him, and that by god, they heard him before any infected did. If there was still something in the world to be laughed about, he’d take his chances.

The first few tries were nothing but a croak, his voice weak from disuse, but then finally a sound came out. He gripped Ellie’s burning and clammy body close and hollered with all his might.

“HELP!”

The laughter stopped somewhere, and he shouted again, ignoring the pain in his throat,the throbbing in his head, the pounding…

“WHERE ARE YOU?! HELLO?!”, the woman yelled, much closer than her laughter had been.  
  
Joel blinked his eyes open again, unaware he’d closed them. He must’ve lost consciousness again, something that’d been happening more and more since they’d stranded in this goddammed ditch, who knows how many days ago now. If he’d still have the energy for it, Joel could’ve laughed about the sheer irony of him succeeding in getting Ellie out of that fucking hospital, crawling with Fireflies and getting her back to Wyoming, only for them to be caught by flooding downpours just a days hike out of Jackson.  
They’d been looking for shelter when two runners had jumped them, the rain too loud for either of them too hear them approach, and while he took one out, the other had grabbed a hold of Ellie, who had just unsheathed her knife, both of them stumbling backwards and over the edge of a small ravine. Joel hadn’t thought and jumped in after them. Ellie and the Runner had tumbled uncontrolled down the side, struggling with each other. A quick shot, and the struggle was over, but Ellie was on the floor moaning and then there was blood everywhere. In the tumble, her switchblade had turned and deeply gashed her upper arm.  
  
The rest was a blur. They had fallen into a ditch that was between ten to sixteen feet deep, one side filled with about six inches of water, and each side of it steep, slippery, muddy. The late April rains had thoroughly soaked the whole earth, making it impossible to get out. Joel had cleaned Ellie’s wound with the rest of their fresh water, deciding that drinking the slightly muddy rainwater was safer than risking an infection. He’d tried to get them out of there, but the earth was too soft, the decline too steep. All too soon his fingers where raw from clawing at the mud and their throats raw from yelling for help and at each other until the sun set. Rainy as it was, at least the temperatures kept above freezing, and they hunkered down for the night, relieved when Ellie’s arm had finally stopped bleeding.  
  
The night had turned into days, and the rain hadn’t stopped. The last rations had vanished— most of it to Ellie, who’d been to weak by then to notice Joel only pretending to eat— but at least they had water. It didn’t take long for Ellie to develop a fever, and it didn’t really surprise him either; he’d done his damndest to clean her wound and keep her fed, but they were wet, and they were cold, and they were desperately trying not to think about dying here, after everything they’d gone through.  
  
And then he’d lost track of time, lost consciousness, lost the days. Again, in the mud, a dying girl in his arms. That was he time when Joel had stopped caring if his shouting would attract infected, and started screaming for help. He wasn’t sure how long ago that’d been. Through a miracle, Ellie was still breathing in his arms.

“Oh god! _Down here_!”  
  
For a second a flash of yellow appeared over the edge of the ditch and vanished just as quickly. He wanted to shout, beg it to stay, but nothing came out of his mouth. Fortunately the voices stayed.  
  
“No, I’m going down. Jesse, get the bag— Eugene, you—”  
  
“Already on it, doll,” a deep voice replied, and then a shadow loomed and he heard wet mud sloshing above him, followed by a thud to the right.  
  
The shadow turned out to be the supposedly laughing woman, who was weirdly holding her hands high in the air, while she breathlessly hurried over to him.  
  
“Hey there. Don’t worry, the cavalry’s here, we’re gonna get you outta here in no time.”  
  
She kneeled down in front of them, quickly accessing the damage, then seeking his eyes.  
  
“My friends up there are working on getting us out of here, and then we can take you to our watchpost that is close to here and get you patched up, okay? We’ve got a settlement not far away, and if you want you can come with us.”  
  
He nodded and fought against his dry throat. “I’m Tommy’s brother.”  
  
“Oh shit,” she said and her face paled considerably as she turned up to the edge, “Eugene! It’s Tommy’s brother!”  
  
A head with wild grey curls appeared over the edge of the ditch and took him in before cursing. “We’re working on it! You keep’em alive!”

She turned back to him, the careful tone mostly gone now that she knew they weren’t strangers and headed towards Jackson anyway, hands still weirdly up in the air. “Okay, it’ll all be alright. What’s your name again?”  
  
“Joel.”  
  
She nodded. “Joel. Pleasure to meet you, even though the circumstances suck. I’m Liv. I’m a nurse. Are you hurt, Joel?”  
  
“No, but she is.” He nodded down toward her, and Liv’s eyes immediately darted to the improvised bandage on her arm. “I tried— “ he started, but his voice broke.  
  
“I’m sure you did the best you could,” she smiled, and turned to Ellie. “ May I touch her?” At his nod, she shifted her weight and motioned to him to prop Ellie up, and suddenly he understood that she’d try to keep her hands dry and clean from the mud, in case she needed to work wounds. Quickly she lifted the bandage and pulled a face that tore the gut right out of him. With a grim line to her mouth she quickly checked Ellie’s temperature and pulse.  
  
“How is she?”, he croaked.  
  
She didn’t look him in the eye, focused on Ellie instead. “ She’s got a nasty infection— not much you could’ve done about that— and a fever, which is good in itself. I _think_ she ’ll survive this, once we got you out of here and to the post I can properly treat her. How long have you been down here?”  
  
“Not sure. Started passing out on day four.”  
  
“Holy shit.” There was a deep furrow between her brows as she looked around. “How long has she been unconscious?”  
  
“I think since yesterday afternoon.”  
  
“Fuck. Okay. Okay, I’m not touching that bandage here in the dirt. Alright. You need some food— seriously, don’t waste your energy on arguing with me,” she said as soon as he took a breath, giving him a look that might have been frightening, had he not been scared to death already. She grabbed her backpack and handed him two biscuits. “ Eat slowly. I need your help to get her out of here, we need all the strength you can get.”  
  
While he bit into the biscuits — the best damned thing he’d ever had to eat, if you asked him right now— she stood and yelled for a Jesse. Another head appeared, much younger, a teen at most.

“Yeah?”

“I got an unconscious girl down here. Get me four thick branches and the rope so we can improvise a stretcher.”

“On it!”

Satisfied she turned back to him, fishing a canteen from her pack and handing it to him. This time he didn’t argue.

“I’ll touch your head now, okay?”

He nodded; her hands were warm against his forehead.

“Well you certainly do _not_ have a fever, you’re freezing.”  
  
“I’ll survive.”  
  
She laughed at that. “ Hell yeah, you are. You think I’ll let Tommy kill me for not saving you?”  
  
“ He’d probably thank you,” he said, voice still raspy, but the barest smile breaking through nonetheless.  
  
Liv grinned. “See, a sense of humor is the best kind of medicine.”  
  
He snorted at that, and handed her back her canteen. She motioned to Ellie then, and while he held her head, Liv carefully fed her a few drops of water.  
With the biscuits and the water, hope had entered his system again.  
  
Then the kid appeared on the ridge, throwing down the requested branches and the rope. He was still dizzy and content to let the woman make work of them while he did what he ’d done the last days, holding Ellie, trying to keep her warm, to keep her dry.  
  
She made short work of it, tying the four branches together so they’d support Ellie’s shoulders and hips and keep her stable. By now, through the magic of the biscuits and the water the world had stopped spinning a little, and Joel noticed loud whacking sounds somewhere above them.  
  
“Joel? Can you help me put her on this?” He turned to Liv and nodded stiffly. She bent down to grab Ellie’s legs, and deftly lifted her with him on a count of three. Despite carrying the heavier part of Ellie, he hardly felt her weight at all like this. They gently lowered her down and Liv started tying her to the raft, carefully binding her across chest and hips, so she wouldn’t be strangled or hurt. Joel’s stomach turned and he threw up into the mud.

He stiffened when he felt a hand on his back. Liv backed away with an apologetic look.  
  
“Sorry, old habits die hard. Are you feeling faint?”  
  
At the rough shake of his head, she let him be and called for Jesse again. The boy appeared, and turned to leave again to get the other man when Liv told him they were ready to get Ellie up there. For a split second, the hair’s on his back stood up, imagining Ellie up there with him down here and no way for him to get out. If they’d try and take her, he’d grab the woman and threaten to break her neck—  
  
“She’ll be safe Joel. We have to get her out first, otherwise we’d have to drag her up by ropes through the mud. You can go right after her, okay?”  
  
Liv was studying him intently, and it was clear that his thoughts had been on his face plain as day. She didn’t seem that worried to be down here with him though.  
  
“Alright, you wanna lift her up?”, the man called down, and Liv, after the shortest look to Joel, shook her head slightly.  
  
“You got a way to get us out of here yet?”  
  
“One second. Here, Jesse, help me with this— “  
  
A few seconds passed, and Joel kept his eyes firmly on Ellie. Then, above, scrapping and sounds of exertion, and then a fairly young spruce that’d been cleared of it’s branches slid down the side of the ditch. It’d been hastily chopped from the way the base looked, the branches cleaved down to about five inches off the stem, creating an improvised ladder they could scramble up.  
  
Liv shortly took their packs and threw them out of the ditch, the kid catching each of them. Then she went over to grab Ellie’s stretcher, but Joel shook his head.  
  
“Earth’s too soft. We need somethin’ to stand on. “ Apparently his voice wasn’t as screwed as he thought, cause Jesse nodded and disappeared shortly, before throwing down some thicker pieces of freshly ripped bark and the branches of the spruce they had felled. As he bent, Liv caught him at his chest, threatening with a lifted finger.  
  
“We need your strength in a second. No bending.” Then she got to work and prepared two spots for them to brace themselves. The rains had thankfully stopped some time in the night.  
  
And then they went to work on lifting Ellie up. Where she’d seemed light earlier, now it needed all his strength. He could feel how close he was to passing out, forcing his muscles and mind to cooperate by sheer stubbornness. He didn’t know when it’d happened, but he’d closed his eyes, all his focus on his muscles, and Liv’s voice, guiding him. The blood was pounding in his head and the blackness was returning. He pushed as hard as he could, but then the weight disappeared, the world disappeared, Joel disappeared.


	2. Nursing Suspicions

Something wet splashed in his face and washed the darkness away with it. Slowly he blinked his eyes open.  
  
“Welcome back to the land of the living.” The woman was kneeling above him, with a soft smile and a canteen in her hand, the pale purple sky above her. _Passed out again, goddamnit._ With a grunt he took her outstretched hand and together, they heaved him up to his feet. Relieved, Joel found that the world had stopped spinning.   
  
“Also kinda the land of the dead.”   
  
The woman— Liv, it came back to him— rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue up at the teen peeking over the edge down at him. “Very helpful Jesse. Maybe he’s got amnesia— is this how you wanna break it to him?”   
  
“He fell into _mud_ Liv. ”   
  
“Men have forgotten more over less.”   
  
“ Or so they’ve told you.”   
  
She laughed, but quickly concealed it as an outraged gasp. “You just wait till I get up there and we’ll see how big you’re talking then.”   
  
“Well, come on up then.”

  
She turned to him then, but Joel looked around, half expecting Ellie ’s stretcher to lie on the ground, only to find it nowhere to be seen. A tap on his shoulder drew his attention to a branch and the tip of a sneaker, barely visible over the ridge. Apparently they’d managed to grab on before he blacked out. Liv nodded towards the spruce-ladder.   
  
“You ready? I’ll go behind you.”   
  
She looked confident in her assessment, but he was a good head taller, and a lot heavier than her. “Doubt you can catch me.”   
  
“No, but I’m soft. I’ll cushion the fall,” she said with a grin, and to his mortification, he could feel his cheeks warm. “Ah, there. A little color. Well, if you fall, I’ll have to climb down again anyhow, so I’ll just spare myself the trip. Now. Up you go.”   
  
Happy to look at nothing for a minute, Joel followed her instruction and set about climbing out of the ditch. It was both easier and more difficult than he’d have thought; easier to traverse, but exhausting physically. Every muscle in his body was straining, his whole body felt heavy as lead. After the first three feet he nearly lost consciousness again, his left foot slipping from its hold, and he sliced his leg open on the cut-off branch. A round of curses erupted — not just from him — and he held on for a second, gathering himself. He bit the inside of his cheek and nodded his quiet acknowledgment that he was okay, before he slowly continued his way upward.   
Above him, both men had lain down at the edge of the ditch, reaching towards him, ready to help, and as soon as he got close enough, they grabbed onto him and nearly lifted him up just by themselves.   
With a mumbled _thanks_ he hobbled over to Ellie and collapsed next to her, relieved to find her safe. He tried to untie her binds, and the kid next to him bent down to help as he saw Joel struggle — his fingers were weak and his skin chaffed raw from his efforts to climb the ditch throughout the last days.   
  
While they were working, Eugene bent down again and lifted Liv over the edge, clapping her shoulder good-naturedly afterwards, sending her staggering. The man was tall, broad-shouldered and clearly strong, his wild mane of greying curls the only thing making him look less threatening.   
  
“All right. Let me see your ankle real quick.” Liv wiped her hands on her jeans and knelt down at his feet. She made quick work of it, cleaning the wound with a rag and some water Jesse handed her, before she tied the rag around his leg to stem the bleeding. “Not too deep, but I’ll probably have to stitch it up later.” She stood and exhaled heavily before studying the sky. “Let’s take them up to the lodge, then we can make some food and clean up. See how we go from there.”   
  
Eugene nodded. “Sounds like a plan. You’re better riding with me, buddy. Can’t have you fall of the horse if you black out again.”   
  
He wanted to argue, but Liv declared that she’d take Ellie so she could keep an eye on her, and as much as Joel didn’t want anybody to split them up, he knew that they were right. He’d have to trust them— no help if he keeled over with both of them on the horse.   
  
“All right.” He accepted Eugene's hand and climbed up in front of him.   
  
  


Liv carefully lead the way, trying to keep Apollo steady beneath her so the girl wouldn’t get shaken up too badly. She was burning up in her arms, the fever doing it’s best to burn off the infection, but without a proper exam, Liv was worried about her state. The last patrol that came through had been a week ago, and the rains had started after, but by the looks of them, they’d been down there for _days._  
  
 _“_ What ’s her name?” She glanced over her shoulder to Joel, who was watching her like a hawk.   
  
“Ellie.” His voice was still raspy from disuse.   
  
There was no doubt he was Tommy’s brother; they shared the same eyes and jaw, and while Liv hadn’t met him, Tommy had told her his brother had been at the plant back in autumn. What troubled her more was the haunted look the familiar eyes held— she was used to seeing traumatized people, their world made sure of that enough, but Joel looked like trauma on legs. His whole focus was on the girl in her arms, she could feel his eyes boring into her back, or rather, _through_ her, always careful, always calculating, making sure they weren ’t harming her, although she could see him fighting it, trying to push down the impulses of survival.   
Maybe she should be more careful— there was something almost… _feral_ about him, and she had seen the look that crossed his eyes when she suggested lifting the girl out of the pit, a look that calculated what leverage Liv could give him if he attacked her, should any harm come to the girl — but he was also barely standing, and she had Eugene and Jesse with her. She figured that as soon as they were safe and she could patch them up, he ’d relax, too. He was in survival mode, something she knew all too well.   
  
So she made sure to stay in sight, to keep him calm and move slowly. Jesse kept bickering with her, apparently picking up on her carefully kept ease and trying to help her, bless his heart. Eugene was silent for once, but didn’t look bothered at all. Then again, little ever bothered Eugene.   
  
About half an hour later, the roof of the ski lodge came into view over the tree tops. They hadn’t seen stragglers in weeks, but she’d rather be too careful than be surprised with two injured people under her care. On her sign, they dismounted, and she handed the girl to Joel, who looked almost ghostly pale. She tried to catch a look at his ankle, but as far as she could tell, there was at least no fresh blood. After she dismounted, she took her bow and arrows over and nodded to Jesse, who dutifully shouldered his rifle.   
  
“Well go and see if it’s clear, just to be safe. You stay here with them.”   
  
“Is this some kind of comment about my sneaking skills?” Eugene scoffed, but Liv saw the glint in his eyes. She patted his cheek as they moved past them.   
  
“So glad we understand each other, Eugene.”   
  
At her nod, Jesse and she left the path and sunk into the woods, deciding to approach from the side, where they wouldn’t be spotted as easily. Jesse stayed next to her, and she felt fondness well up for him. He was a good guy: responsible, level-headed, loyal to a fault. This was the fourth patrol she was doing with him— he’d just turned sixteen and had started his training with her out in the field.

For the last months, he’d been stationed to help her out at the Med Bay, and had impressed her thoroughly by never flinching or hesitating to wash, shave or massage body parts that weren’t his own, something most struggled with. All Jackson inhabitants landed as her apprentices now and then, so they’d learn something and Jackson wouldn’t be left without medical help should something happen to her, but most that came were either squeamish in general, or expected only to treat the most gruesome wounds, cut some flesh and set some bones, easily forgetting that most of her work still was _nursing_ . Jesse however, despite clearly having goals to fulfill a different role in the community later, had taken on his duty with a grace that was uncommon for his age, and had been an immense help.   
  
That ’s why she was out here in the first place— everyone had patrol duty now and then, but Liv had made up some excuses about checking up on the first-aid stashes they kept at the outposts, opting to take Jesse with her as her current apprentice. This had the benefit of also counting as patrol training, effectively qualifying him to apply for group patrols after his service with her was over. Liv had the feeling he knew what she was doing, but neither had breached the subject. For her, it wasn’t necessary, Jesse, she was sure, didn’t want to say something, afraid that might make him look insecure. His carefully crafted grave maturity was important to him, in the hopes of securing the bigger responsibilities he craved. Liv, unable to try and be helpful, had almost pulled him aside when he first came under her tutelage, and told him to loosen up a bit, but she soon found that Jesse wasn’t uptight at all— unless there was responsibility to be carried, so she let him be. No, he was alright.   
  
As always, she didn’t have to tell him much. He was new to this, but not new to reading her body language and understanding what she wanted without many words, and he was a natural. Jesse wasn’t the first teen she’d taken along, but he was the best, and she was proud of how far he’d go.   
  
They stalked the perimeter of the building, just behind the tree line, but found no movement anywhere. On her sign, they rushed to the doors, and as he slid the doors slightly open, she peered in, bow drawn taunt.   
  
“Clear.”   
  
They slipped inside, and Liv exchanged her bow for the revolver that she’d stuck into the back of her jeans. They split up, methodically screening the side- and backrooms, before meeting up to check the hallway that went back out to the utility sheds and the old abandoned parking lot, but found nothing. Relieved, they dropped their cautious stance and made their way back through and down to the others.   
  
“You really think that’s Tommy’s brother?”   
  
She threw a glance at Jesse, but he seemed more curious than bothered. “Yeah. Tommy told me he already passed through a couple of months ago. Besides, they got the same eyes.”   
  
“If they were already here, why didn’t they stay?”   
  
“I don’t know.” Liv had asked Tommy the same, and he’d closed off and said they had something else to do. She knew Tommy well, and the way he’d evaded her had made her neck tingle. Still, if Tommy didn’t feel like disclosing it to _her_ , Jesse didn ’t need to know more, even if it were only her guesses.   
  
“He said they still had some business to wrap up somewhere, but that they might come back after.” Which wasn’t entirely true. Tommy had said that _Joel_ might return, and from the way he said it it sounded like it ’d be a couple of weeks at most. When winter came around, Liv felt like Tommy deflated a bit, and she’d theorized it had to do with his brother not returning. When she asked, he’d brushed her off again.   
At least Jesse seemed satisfied with the answer.   
  
“Seems like they’ve been through some stuff. You think his daughter will live?”   
  
She hesitated. “I can give a more confident answer about that in an hour.” The rest, she left unsaid. Liv knew that Joel’s daughter was dead; Tommy and she had often talked about Outbreak Day on their patrols, and she knew the story of how he saw his niece die that day, killed by a FEDRA soldier, and what it did to his brother.   
This girl was also too old to be another daughter; she had to be thirteen or fourteen, and Liv knew that Tommy and his brother had stuck together for a couple of years after the outbreak. If she were Joel’s, Tommy would’ve been there when she’d been born. She had no clue what was going on, but she was sure that she wouldn’t get any answers out of Tommy, or Joel for that matter.   
  
_Especially not if I can_ _’t keep them alive._  
  
“Clear?” Eugene called up to them when they came into sight, and Liv simply waved her arm. Eugene helped Joel up on Apollo and set Ellie in his arms, before he mounted himself and led them up the hill. Liv and Jesse turned around and walked back towards the lodge.   
  
“Can you get a fire going and boil some water for me?”   
  
With a nod, Jesse jogged ahead to the far side of the cabin where they stored some firewood, while Liv went over to the bar and grabbed the key they’d hidden on a small ledge beneath it. With it, she went to open the back room they kept locked, were they had stashed medicine, bandages, drinkable water and some non-perishable food rations. Usually the patrols carried their own rations with them, and they always kept something “free” to grab that they left outside their locked stashes, so stragglers would have something to eat and grab, but each watch post had a hidden stash for the Jackson patrols in case anything happened.   
  
While she grabbed what she needed, she heard Eugene talk outside, and as she stepped out of the room, Joel was stumbling inside, carrying the girl.   
  
“Put her down over here.” Liv gestured to one of the two sprawling couches surrounding the two luxurious fireplaces that hung free from the ceiling, in one of which Jesse was just piling up firewood. She dumped all she’d taken on a table that she pulled over, sat her backpack down and pulled out the sandwiches she’d taken with her. Then she shoved both her canteen with the slim rest of water that was still in it and the food in Joel’s hands.   
  
“Drink this, slowly, and then eat a couple of small bites. Just one or two, _slowly_ . I know you ’re hungry— “ he interrupted her with a nod.   
  
“I know, otherwise I’ll just throw up.” He gave a small sardonic smile and a light bow of his head. “Not my first time starving, I’m afraid.”   
  
Liv sighed. “ Didn’t think so, but you’d be surprised by how many people will still make themselves sick despite knowing better.”   
  
“Hunger will do that to you.”   
  
“Well, be smarter.” Satisfied by his dutiful unscrewing of the bottle, Liv turned her attention to her work. Jesse had successfully started a fire and she sent him to fill up three pots of water and set them to boil, when Eugene came over to them. He was carrying the blanket from his bedroll— they’d planned on staying the night— and spread it over Ellie, who was now laid out comfortably on the sofa, before he settled against the armrest near her head.   
  
“Signed us in.”   
  
“Thanks.”   
  
“Anything I can help?”   
  
“ We’ve got that basin in the back. Could you fill that up with some water from the brook? Just to clean up.”   
  
He nodded and lumbered out, and for a couple of minutes, they all worked silently. Liv prepared some bandages and the small bottle of iodine she kept for emergencies, to treat the girls arm. For the smaller and less dangerous wounds, she got out some cloves of fresh garlic that she kept in her pack and had Jesse peel, crush and boil them. “ Garlic is the best natural disinfectant we have, vinegar helps too. Witch hazel helps with healing, and cherry bark acts as a painkiller if you boil it,” she explained to Jesse, and after showing him each, added them to the garlic water, then set some of the bandages in to soak.   
  
Eugene had prepared the small tub, poured the boiling water in and chased down a relatively soft cloth. Under Joel’s watchful eye, she first cut open Ellie’s sleeve, then the improvised bandage.   
  
The cut was deep, that was easy to see, even though it had scabbed over completely. The angry, red, swollen skin surrounding it was a bad sign, but it could be worse.

“Could be better, could be worse. I can treat her here, for now, but I’ll be much more relaxed the sooner we get her to Jackson. If you two leave now and ride fast, you’ll be back by sundown. I’ll give you a list for Ellen of things to prepare for me, and some I need for the way. Get Tommy, get a truck, get someone to relieve us for patrol, and come here at first light.”  
  
As expected, both complained.   
  
“That’s too dangerous.”  
  
“You’re alone with two injured people, it’s too risky.”  
  
“I know what I’m doing. We haven’t seen anyone in months. We’ll barricade the doors, and Joel is exhausted, not incapacitated. I’m pretty sure he can still hold a gun if necessary.”  
  
Eugene looked at her, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. _That_ _’s what’s worrying me._  
  
 _“_ It’ll be fine. It’s a risk we’ll have to take.” Before they could complain again, Liv mustered her best Maria impression. “No discussion. You can disagree all you want, I’m afraid I’ll have to pull rank here. Now, go. You’re losing light.”  
  
Jesse was displeased, that was easy to see, but Eugene knew her long enough. He clapped him on the back and they both went to their horses. Jesse gave her his bedroll and both of them tried to give her their food. She took half of it and insisted they eat the rest.   
  
“We’ve got rations here, and they shouldn’t eat that much anyways right away. If the kid wakes up at all tonight.” She rubbed her face wearily and shooed them off. “Hurry, but don’t risk anything, okay?”   
  
“Barricade the doors and keep the lights low. Keep out the generator at night.”   
  
“I will, but we need a fire.”

“We can see the lodge from the east gate, right?” Jesse asked. “I’ll stay up and take watch there with someone through the night. If you’re in trouble, flash the lights or give us a visual, and we’ll come and get you.”

“Someone like Dina, maybe?” Eugene asked as they mounted their horses, making Jesse blush quite a sensational shade of red and sending him mumbling. Trying his best to keep his dignity, he kicked his horse into a trot and started away from them. Eugene chuckled before he sobered up and pointed at her. “Be careful.”   
  
She gave him a mock-salute and he rolled his eyes before he turned to catch up with Jesse. When he caught up, both kicked their horses into a gallop, quickly vanishing around the corner. With an uneasy sigh, she grabbed Apollo by the reigns and led him inside the entry hallway.   
  
_Let_ _’s do this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went on a tangent there, but Jesse truly is the best boy.


	3. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the kudos and comments! I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it :)

Diligently she blocked the doors by hooking a chair through the handles. Liv tied Apollo up in the entryway where he couldn’t make as big of a mess. The added benefit was that he’d hear anyone approaching outside and warn her, and this way he was close enough to the door should they need to make a hasty escape. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. It was unlikely that something was going to happen, but they _were_ in a pretty exposed position, and she the only healthy person. It made her feel uneasy.  
  
_No helping it. Gotta get us through this. You got this._

And she really wasn’t _alone_ . Liv knew that most of Tommy’s skills, he’d learned from Joel. As long as she could keep him conscious, he’d be able to fend off attackers. She wasn’t really worried that he was going to attack her himself— she was his only chance of saving the girl, and getting them to Tommy. Besides, while she wasn’t the best fighter in Jackson, she _could_ handle herself. Maybe she couldn’t win against him in his prime, but he was weak, tired, starving, and his ankle was cut open pretty badly. She’d be able to take him, if necessary.  
  
Joel was still working on the first sandwich when she returned to him, and Liv was pleased to see he’d listened to her.  
  
“How are you feeling?”, she asked as she handed him Jesse’s bedroll and blanket. He cleared his throat, trying to get his voice back.  
  
“Better.”  
  
_Not a man of many words, huh._  
  
_“_ That’s what I like to hear.” She grabbed two cups from the bar, filled them with hot water and put some mint in. She was glad she’d taken her stash of herbs with her. Sure, it was the beginning of May, and if it came down to it, she’d be able to find most she’d need outside, but she had learned the hard way that it was better to be prepared. “Here. Drink that; it’ll help settle your stomach.”  
  
“Thank you.” He accepted the cup before he looked at the girl, brow furrowed. “ How’s it looking? And no sugarcoating, please.”  
  
Liv followed his gaze and ran her hands through her hair with a sigh, tightening her ponytail.

“Well, there is no pus visible on the outside, which means at least outwardly, it’s healing well. But you see that swelling around it? Means it’s infected and filled inside. Not uncommon if there’s dirt in the wound.”  
  
“I tried cleanin’ it with our last water, but it kept raining.” Joel’s voice was raspy, but no longer from disuse. The guilt was plain on his face.  
  
Liv shook her head slowly, her voice sympathetic. “Not much you could’ve done about it given the circumstances. Honestly, considering, this really is the best case scenario,” she sighed and rolled up her sleeves. “I’ll still have to cut it open to get the pus out and clean it, otherwise she might get _really_ sick. But once it’s clean, I’ve got iodine here and we have some antibiotics back in Jackson… I won’t make promises, but I think she’ll be fine.”  
  
“Can I help?”  
  
Liv shook her head with a smile.“ You just keep eating. I should be fine. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t even watch. Maybe even move away a foot or so, this’ll reek.” She looked over to him, and almost laughed as a stubborn look crossed his face, almost a little insulted.  
  
_Just like Tommy. Stubborn fools._  
  
“I’ll be fine.”  
  
“Suit yourself,” she answered with a shrug. “ But please try and keep the food down, for you sake and mine. We don’t have much to spare and I have neither time nor the will to clean up right now.”  
  
Joel only scoffed as an answer, so Liv let him be and got up to ready everything. She took the mixture with the bandages off of the fire so they could cool down, then she poured some hot water into the basin Eugene had readied and washed her hands in it once it was sufficiently warm. She soaked the rag in it and wrung it out, before turning to Ellie. By force of habit she started talking to her, even though she was unconscious, as she deftly ripped off the already cut sleeve.  
  
“Alright, let’s get you cleaned up.”  
  
Next to her she felt Joel stiffen as she grabbed Ellie’s wrist and lifted her arm to clean it.  
  
“Sorry, the shirt was already ruined, we’ll get her something— What…?” Her fingers had caught on ridges on Ellie’s inner arm, and she’d turned it to inspect them. Liv froze, her question caught in her throat. She stared down at the upturned arm, her thoughts racing as her stomach dropped. Immediately she saw in her mind the half-submerged corpse of a runner she’d spotted in the ditch.

 _It was days old. It'_ _s too long. She’d have turned by now. But that’s a_ bite.

Joel rose along with the hairs on her neck. “ She’s not infected, I swear.” His voice was hard and choked, and the way he said it, the tone of defense and wariness, didn’t help at all.  
  
She didn’t look at him, instead Liv kept her eyes on the crescent shaped scar. Her eyes wandered over the silvery-white ridges and knots, the discoloration and cysts, the teeth marks clearly visible. She took a deep breath to calm herself, as Joel gave voice to her thoughts.  
  
“Look at the scar: it’s _old_. She ain’t infected, I swear. If the runner had bitten her, she’d’ve turned by now, and you know it.” He swallowed hard and leaned forward slowly, placing his hand gently and slowly on her arm. “Careful.” Liv looked down to see that her fingers were digging into Ellie’s skin, her knuckles as white as his on her arm. For the fraction of a second they met eyes, and what Liv saw equally calmed and worried her. He was right; Ellie was not infected, her gut had told her so after the first shock, too. But she knew that she was right too: He wouldn’t stop at _anything_ to protect this girl. With a swallow, she nodded and let go of her arm.  
  
“Yeah, I can see that. I’m sorry.”  
  
Joel released her arm and leaned back, nodding. “I get it.” He cleared his throat, occupying himself with his cup. “She uh— Apparently she was bitten back two years ago or so in a struggle— bitten by a _human_ , I mean. Got infected and all, that’s why it looks like that. Snuck out of the QZ and crossed some wrong people.”  
  
Liv studied him for a moment, then the scar. As far as she could see there was no fungal growth anywhere, so his story might check out as well, and to contemplate the other option was too much for her right now. She decided to do what had always served her best; focus on the problem before her that she _could_ solve. For anything else, she was too tired, to terrified, too needed right now. Ellie showed no signs of turning, so the most important part was true. She nodded, more to herself then to him, and set to work with the cloth, cleaning the arm of dirt.  
  
“So you haven’t been together that long?”

“Uh, no. I was… tasked to get her somewhere, as a favor to someone. Took us damn near a year. When we got there, nobody was left there… so we came back here together.” She felt him look at her, but she kept to her task. “ Tommy didn’t tell you?”, he asked, his voice a little higher than she’d felt was natural.  
  
“No, he just told me that his brother came through a couple months back. I didn’t ask.”  
  
“You guys close?”  
  
She smiled a little as she got up to wash out the cloth and wash her hands. “ Somewhat, yes. I’ve known him a long time.” Liv stood and dried her hands, then grabbed her knife and stuck it in the boiling water. “ So she was an errand. But not anymore.” When he looked at her with raised eyebrows, she shrugged. “It’s not hard to see that you care about her.”  
  
“It’s hard to travel the country with someone and not grow close.” He sounded defensive, almost a little embarrassed.  
  
Liv nodded. “Especially with a kid.” She plucked the knife out of the water and laid it on the clean table, before she grabbed the bottle of alcohol to clean her hands. “What’s she like? I need to concentrate for a moment, so I can’t talk, and it’ll keep you occupied and conscious,” she told him with a grin.  
  
  


Joel snorted. He watched her clean her hands and ready everything to cut into Ellie’s arm. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t pass out again. The food, water and rest had already done wonders, but the knot in his stomach had returned full force.

She’d seen the bite. Again, someone was readying knives next to an unconscious Ellie. He tried to stay grounded, but his nose was filled with the scent of copper and his heart was hammering away.

 _This is different. Tommy is on his way. She knows Tommy. She doesn_ _’t have it in her eyes. This is different._  
  
He repeated the thoughts over and over, but he couldn’t help being forcefully aware of every weapon, every asset, every exit. And Joel knew that she was aware of it too. When they’d looked at each other briefly over the scar on Ellie’s arm, while Joel was cursing himself for his recklessness, he’d seen it in her eyes. She wasn’t harmless, but she was no danger to them. Most importantly, she was smart.  
Silently he cursed himself for his fumbling attempt at diversion. She’d accepted it wordlessly, to his relief, but it made him realize that he— that _they_ needed a story. Ellie couldn’t run around with a bite mark on her arm, making people have questions, or worse, telling people she was immune. He’d screwed up with his story to _her_ already, and now he needed to rectify that. Protect her.  
He figured that this was his best choice. Liv didn’t seem like a gossip, but as a nurse and with connections to Tommy, whatever they may be, she probably took a central role in the community. Having her as an ally was valuable.  
  
Joel watched her grip Ellie’s arm and quickly, efficiently cut the wound open. He gagged as the scent hit his nose, and he turned his face away, jaw clenched. Behind him, he heard Liv scoff.  
  
“Told you so.”  
  
“Fine, you win.” He pushed himself further down the couch, away from the stench.  
  
“So, you were gonna tell me what she’s like.”  
  
Joel studied his thumb tracing the rim of his cup, and couldn’t help but smile. “Disrespectful and a smart-ass. Stubborn as hell, and reckless. A real troublemaker. Haven’t met anyone so prone to get herself in a bad situation. Doesn’t listen to a word I say. She’s a decent shot. Obsessed with comics and cursing and the worst puns you’ll ever hear. Overflowing fantasy. Cares more than is good for her. Heavy, in a ways. Her mother died at birth, she’s grown up in the Boston QZ as an orphan. But it made her tough, having no one to rely on. She’s a fighter.”  
  
“But now she has you.” Liv said it as a fact, not looking up, still focused on her work. The way she said it made it sound so simple. It was a million ways more complicated than that. But true nonetheless.  
  
“I guess.”  
  
“No?”  
  
He sighed. The old instinct to lock up, to hide and defend reared in him, but Joel was tired, and he felt no judgment from her. And a little vulnerability would go a long way for helping his plan. Only now, here in the calm of the lodge, he realized what it would mean to return to a form of society that was secure and had room for anything else than survival. Even if it went against his instincts, he’d have to get used to it anyhow. Especially if he wanted to keep Ellie around.  
  
“She does… If she wants to.”  
  
He saw Liv’s eyebrow lift, her hands unfaltering. “Why wouldn’t she?”  
  
“She no longer needs me to survive now. She’s free to choose now.”  
  
Liv seemed to contemplate that. Instead of encouragement, she simply said: “I see.”  
  
His stomach dropped at her admission, even if it gave him the slightest hope that he was at least doing the right thing. Ellie would get to choose. Tommy’s accusation still rang in his head.  
  
_I still have nightmares from the shit you did to protect us!_

Joel swallowed and stared down into his cooling tea. “ It was… hard for us. We’re both stubborn— that probably ain’t a surprise to you, if you know my brother,” he said with a slight smile, and he heard her snort, “ and it took a while for us to get used to each other. There were a lot of close calls… After we left here, we ran into a hunter encampment down in Colorado. I nearly died. She saved my life, but was caught.” He swallowed against the lump in his throat. His dreams were either filled with the hospital or filled with smoke, fire, blood, a sobbing Ellie cradling a machete. “She wasn’t harmed. Physically. But the things she saw… They had no food, so they… made it.”  
  
For the first time, Liv stilled her work and turned to him, eyes wide and face pale as she understood his meaning. “ _Jesus,_ ” she whispered. She shook her head to clear it, and he saw blood drop to the floor next to the couch, turning his stomach. Liv followed his gaze, and returned to her work. “Don’t worry, it’s clean now. She’ll survive the blood loss. It’s good that it flows, it helps me clean the wound.” At that, she pulled the basin filled with herbs closer, and started preparing bandages. He saw her clench her jaw as she grabbed the small bottle of iodine. “These fucking hunters. They’re worse monsters than the infected. At least _they_ have no choice. It’s a fucking farce...” Joel watched her wrap Ellie’s wound carefully, all the while shaking her head incredulously, and it almost made him smile how outraged she was, as if that wasn’t the world they had all been living in for the last thirteen years.

Liv sighed and stretched her neck and shoulders. Silently he watched her grab needle and thread, focusing himself on watching her work, watching Ellie’s face twitch in her sleep, to ward off the images in his head. Liv worked quickly, clearly having done this a hundred times. She was silent, probably occupied with thoughts of killing as well, as she wrapped the bandages around Ellie’s arm and secured them. When she was done, she pulled the blanket over Ellie and touched her forehead to check her temperature.  
  
“Alright, we’ll leave it for now. I’ll change bandages again later, unless the bleeding doesn’t stop, but it’s looking good. Right now she needs rest, water, and later, food.”

He watched her wipe the blood from her hands and picked up bandages soiled with blood and pus, throwing them into the dirty water. “ And now, to you.” She came over to him and knelt down in front of him, and at his puzzled look, she laughed. “Your leg?”

“Oh.” Honestly, he’d forgotten. There were few parts of his body that _didn_ _’t_ hurt and throb.

Joel watched Liv kneel down and gently grab his foot. “I’ll take off your shoe, and then you’ll put your foot against my shoulder.”  
  
He wanted to argue that he was reeking and she certainly _didn'_ _t_ want his shoes off, but quickly realized that there was no use for vanity. She hadn’t flinched over Ellie’s wound, and he doubted that she’d be doing her job if she was that sensitive. It wasn’t a luxury she could afford.  
  
_As if that isn_ _’t the world we’ve been living in for thirteen years._

At his nod she made short work of his laces and pulled his boot of, and even though she tried to be gentle, at her yank, he was painfully aware of his leg again. Grinding his teeth, he lifted it up to her shoulder with her help, were it fit surprisingly comfortably.  
  
“I’ll have to cut open the jeans, I’m afraid. You could take it off, but this’ll be easier, especially for checking on the bandages later. Too complicated to get you in an out of it with the wet bandages, to cold to keep it off altogether. I can sow the cut back together when we get to Jackson.”  
  
There was no teasing to her voice, but Joel felt the slightest blush anyhow, much to his annoyance.  
“Just do what you have to.”  
  
Gracefully, she ignored his blush and slid her knife beneath the seam of his jeans. For the moment, she seemed satisfied to work, no questions shooting his way. As he watched her wrap the cut fabric up and grabbing a clean rag to wipe the mud from his leg and wound, Joel took his time to study her. He realized he hadn’t really looked at her the whole time, too wound up in the anxiety to survive and Ellie’s injury.

Sure, his brain had scanned her briefly, the way he was used to: she was a head smaller than him, neither skinny nor particular muscular, probably around Tommy’s age. His brain had categorized that physically, she wasn’t much of a challenge, then moved on to study the men. It wasn’t that he thought women were no threat— he’d lived and fought with Tess long enough, god knew. His brain was just used to getting the necessary information and moving on.  
  
Now that the immediate danger was over, his brain moved further. Up close, he was sure she was younger than Tommy, at least by a couple of years. Joel guessed she was in her mid thirties, even if her face looked younger. No lines around her eyes, no grey or white in her dirty blonde hair, that was longer than he was used to seeing. Joel assumed that was due to her living in a secure settlement, in the outside world, no one bothered with long hair or risked giving the world and others one more opportunity of getting caught or grabbed. Her face wasn’t as gaunt as he was used to, helping her look younger, he assumed. She looked… healthy.

But Joel noticed the other signs too, the look in her eyes, the worried wrinkles on her forehead, the scars she carried that he could see. A cut at her throat, left by a knife pressed there. The edge of a ridged scar that peeked out above the collar of her shirt, looking like she’d been stabbed. Cuts on her arms and hands, a sizable silvery line running along the left edge of her jaw, a newer, red scar on her right temple that broke her hairline, no hair growing where the injury had left a small breach between the strands. She had seen violence.

The hands that were currently finishing wiping down his leg felt soft but calloused, obviously used to hard work, and despite their small size, they were strong.

This world had made him good at judging people out of necessity, and he wasn’t surprised that she was a friend of his brothers. He wondered if there had ever been more between them. He knew his brother, and she seemed to be a good, sturdy person.  
  
Liv poured alcohol over her hands and wiped them down, before she tilted the bottle above his leg. It stung, but Joel bit down the grunt as she cleaned the cut. As she readied himself to sew his wound, his curiosity won out.  
  
“So, how long have you known my brother?”  
  
She briefly glanced up at him, a small smile appearing on her lips. “Uh… We’re going on seven years now.”  
  
Joel lifted his eyebrows. Tommy had told him he’d been in Jackson for four years, so that meant she’d met him before. Again, she seemed to guess his thoughts.  
  
“I met him and Eugene in the Denver QZ, back when they were with the Fireflies.”  
  
He felt the hairs on his neck rise. “You a Firefly?”

Liv shook her head. “Nah. I’ve served with them for about eight months, because the only alternative was joining the military, but I never considered myself part of them.” She was silent for a moment, lost in thought. “ I _did_ go to Denver to join them, but I was young and stupid and had only heard the good stories. Reality caught up fast, and I disagreed with their methods. ” A grin broke across her face. “ In the end, it turned out well though, because I found Tommy and Eugene, and brought them both back here.”  
  
That surprised him. “So you were livin’ in Jackson before, but left? I thought this was one of the places that was more or less secure from the start?”

A sigh escaped her. “Yes, to both. I lived here with Maria— Tommy’s wife— and her father. We built this place up. I was only twenty on outbreak day, and my … temper is very different from theirs, so we disagreed over the years. I was young, and thrilled by the idea of saving the world. I thought we ought to share our resources with the Fireflies, make Jackson a base. We disagreed, had a horrible fight, and I stubbornly left for Denver. Luckily, I was smart enough to first get my opinion on them before I told them about Jackson. I was disillusioned pretty fast. Denver was horrible. Violent. There was no hope in that place.” She grew silent for a moment. With a sigh, she dipped her head toward his leg and bit off the thread, tying it off neatly. Joel hadn’t even felt the stitches.  
“I befriended Tommy and Eugene though, and since they weren’t happy either, we escaped a few months later when we had the chance, and came to Jackson.”  
  
He studied her and tried to draw comparisons, but he truthfully couldn’t for life of him recall Maria’s face. Joel was fairly sure she was blonde, too.  
  
“So Maria is your sister.”  
  
A small smile as she pushed herself up after dressing his wound. “In all ways that matter, yes.”  
  
Joel scoffed. “ You always this vague?”  
  
Liv grinned. “Keeps you on your toes. Have to make sure you’re awake. Oath and all that jazz.” As he rolled his eyes, she laughed openly. “ We’re not sisters by blood, but she _is_ my sister. Don’t worry, there is no great mystery, there are just more pressing matters right now.”  
  
She picked up the remaining basin and placed it next to him, pushing a piece of cloth and small slip of soap into his hand afterwards. “Get yourself cleaned up. I’ll go out to the stream and get some fresh water— I’ll leave the door open so you can hear me. I’d rather get enough water for the rest of the night in while it’s still light outside.”  
  
At his nod, she turned and carried the basin soaked with Ellie’s blood outside. Joel took the cloth to the warm water and rubbed the soap into it. Now that the option to clean himself was there, he noticed how much he reeked after their days in the pit. He felt the dried mud crack on his skin whenever he moved.

The relief he felt upon rubbing his face with warm water never failed to catch him by surprise, no matter how often he was caught in the wilderness, unable to clean himself properly.  
Joel wiped his face, his hands, eventually surrendering, unbuttoned his shirt and dipped his head into the basin. As he started working on his chest, he heard Liv return, and murmuring to her horse in the entryway, followed by the sounds of greedy drinking.

A minute later she returned with another basin, after having secured the door again, and filled the pots on the fire. They payed each other no mind, her feeding the fire and busying herself, and him, battling the dirt on his skin. Joel thought that maybe he ought to feel embarrassed at sitting half-naked, but Liv seemed unbothered and paid him no mind, and he was too tired to care.  
  
That was until he winced while trying to reach past his shoulder and a hand appeared next to him, softly withdrawing the cloth from his hand.  
  
“Let me help.”

Efficiently but gently Liv took the cloth to his back, wiping away the dirt. He’d had no doubt about her skill, having seen her patch them up, but the way she washed and gently massaged his sore muscles showed a skill beyond the simple stitching of a wound. Joel bit the insides of his cheeks, stifling groans of pain and the pleasure of its relief. A shiver and violent goosebumps broke across his skin, both from the icy air against his now wet skin, and the simple, almost entirely alien pleasure of being touched without the intention of harm.  
It shook him more than he would’ve expected. It was too easy forget that care was part of being human, too, when you were surrounded by nothing but violence. _The things he had seen._ Joel fought down the urge to run, to fight, to protect himself. He had made a choice when he had turned them back to Jackson. Ellie needed them. He couldn’t be afraid, even if this all went against his instincts.

“There you go.” Joel could hear the smile in her voice as she took a small dry towel and dried his back. Once she was done, she handed it to him and grabbed his shirt, caked with dirt, and studied it with a frown. “I’m afraid if I wash this, you’ll freeze to death. Better to get you a bit dirty again. I’m _almost_ sure that shouldn’t kill you.” With a grin, she went to one of the vacant tables and started beating his shirt against it, the dry mud cracking and bursting into clouds of dust, before returning it to him again.

  
“Thank you.”

Cleaner, dry and warm, he already felt a lot better, and now that the most pressing matters were taken care of Joel felt heaviness settle into his bones. The muscles Liv had just cleaned and massaged felt like lead, and a yawn broke its way out of him.  
  
A second later, a blanket hit him in the face.  
  
“Get some sleep.” It was a command, but she was smiling. “I’ll make us some food and you need rest. I’ll wake you once it’s done. You need it… and honestly,” she said, glancing about and across the huge windowed front, “I’d rather have you sleep now while it’s light outside and be awake with me once it’s dark. Better safe than sorry.”  
  
“Any reason to worry?” Joel thought about the ambush on the plant the last time he’d been at Jackson, and her reaction to the Hunters.  
  
Liv hesitated. “The last time we saw Hunters was two months ago. The last stragglers, five weeks ago. Some infected cross this valley now and then, but they aren’t what’s worrying me. … We’ll _probably_ be fine. ”  
  
“Still. Wake me when you’re done.” He nodded at her, understanding her worry. He spread the blanket above himself and lay back dutifully, sleep gripping him almost immediately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh also I shaved seven years off the apocalypse cause I a) wanted them a little younger, b) I felt like the world would be a bit more secure after twenty years had passed, and c) I am god here and therefore can do what I want, so I got drunk on power


	4. Stabs of Fear

It was almost comedic how fast Joel fell asleep, but Liv could easily imagine just how exhausted he must be. Silently she grabbed the last sandwich and her cold tea, and stepped around the couch. Allowing herself a moment of rest after all the upheaval, she sat on the edge of the fire pit. While she dug into a very late lunch, she let the warmth seep into her back.

The days were getting warmer, but the lodge was so far up the mountain and surrounded by dense woods that the may sun had little chance against the cold. Only in the height of summer, when the sun stood right and hit the large windows for hours, was the cabin warm.  
  
Liv sat and watched the sky change colors as the sun was slowly setting to the west, somewhere behind the pines, letting silence fill the cabin so he could find his way into the deep sleep he needed. If he was like his brother, it wouldn ’t take long for the snoring to start. 

_It_ _’s a miracle he didn’t black out sooner. Stubborn oafs, both of them.  
  
_She honestly wouldn ’t be surprised if Tommy would barge through the doors in the middle of the night. Liv knew _she_ would, if this were her brother. So naturally, Tommy would do the same, but Maria would be there to calm him down, reason with him that the morning would suffice. The chances that he ’d listen were 50/50, but the fact that Liv was here, taking care of them, might tip the scales in Maria’s favor.  
  
Eugene was his own factor— Liv suspected his vote would sway Tommy in one direction or the other. Both men trusted her, and she them, so it all came down to how stable Eugene would estimate Joel to be right now, and Liv wasn’t sure what his judgment on that was. Unlike with Tommy, Liv rarely knew what Eugene was thinking.

Sure, Eugene had been alone with Joel when she and Jesse cleared the Lodge, and she didn’t know if anything happened there to cause his discomfort when she sent them away, but Liv had seen the fight-or-flight instinct slowly melt away through the last two hours. As long as she didn’t wake Joel up in the middle of a nightmare, confused and disoriented, he wouldn’t harm her, she was sure. She’d rather sit through a night of slight anxiety in a defensible position than have Eugene and Tommy rush out in the middle of the night, themselves ambushed in the dark by Hunters or infected, or tumbling in a ravine and breaking their necks.

As she drank the last of her tea, Joel’s breathing changed and drifted into a deep and slow rhythm. No snores. Shaking her head with a smile, she got up from her spot to make herself busy.  
There was no use in cleaning her utensils; she’d have to change their bandages again in an hour or two, and there was no point in moving anything in case she’d still need it. Instead Liv headed to the storeroom, checking to see what she could work with.  
  
After a couple of minutes she’d gathered a couple of wrinkly potatoes that would still do, some links of dried sausage, some salt and dried herbs, a glass of canned green beans and some lard. She improvised a broth with a few small potato slices and tiny chops of sausage she could give the two of them to get their stomachs settled for solid food. Joel seemed to hold the sandwiches down well, but Liv wouldn’t take chances with Ellie. If she didn’t wake up, which Liv didn’t count on, at least they could make her drink the broth to regain some strength.  
  
While the broth cooked on the fire Liv took the few spoiled potatoes and apples that hadn’t survived the winter in the cold, dark room and took them outside to discard of them, taking Apollo with her for a moment. She let him graze and drink from the brook while she dipped behind the tree-line to relieve herself. When she returned, she dried and brushed him down, keeping an eye on him the entire time in case he heard something move beyond what _her_ ears could pick up. Apollo stayed at ease though, happily chomping away at the fresh green grass, but Liv was on edge the whole time. After roughly half an hour, she took him back inside and locked the doors.

She figured she had about two hours of light left. They’d left early this morning and had planned to do a sweep down to the hotel today, before resting here for the night and continuing the longer patrol route eastwards over the mountains. Now the boys had just enough time to make it back to Jackson by nightfall if they hurried and took the shortcuts. If they started back by morning, they’d be here by noon tomorrow, and she had to hold down the fort for a while here. Yet now that the worst was taken care of, she felt her nerves calm. Maybe she’d just let him sleep. Anyone who came across the lights in the lodge would also see Jackson nearby, and she hoped that’d be enough to dissuade them. Her caution was warranted, but her gut told her no one would come across them tonight. Still, her unease persisted.

 _God, Liv. Pull yourself together. You_ _’re safe. What’s the matter?_

With a deep breath she rubbed her face and went over to the fire. Joel was sleeping soundly, now snoring just under his breath, but Ellie’s face was twitching and cramping up, restless in her sleep. The pain must be getting to her by now, and Liv gently touched her forehead.

 _Still feverish._  
  
“It’s alright. Shhh….”, she whispered, gently stroking Ellie’s head the slightest bit, but her words didn’t seem to reach her in her dreams. “Don’t worry. I can protect you.” Liv wasn’t sure if she was reassuring Ellie, or herself.

 _Probably a bit of both._  
  
Ellie kept twitching, mumbling unintelligibly under her breath. Wherever her mind was, Liv couldn’t help her right now. So she busied herself feeding the fire, fanning some air into it. A big cloud of smoke billowed out, and Liv fought hard to keep down a fit of coughs, not wanting to wake them both. She put the pot with the bandages back on the fire, then stirred the broth that was still cooking away.

Deciding to let Ellie be for a moment, Liv knelt next to Joel and checked his temperature and pulse, satisfied with both. Then she peeled the blanket away from his ankle, cursing under her breath when she saw the blood-stained bandage. Gritting her teeth, Liv set to work and peeled the bandage away.  
  


  
  
_Ellie was freezing to death. She was in the woods, chasing a rabbit_ _….chasing a deer, looking for tracks in the fresh snow… and she was shivering, her muscles hurting, her hands hurting, her arms too heavy to lift, but she pulled her bow taunt and let loose. The arrow sang through the icy air and sank into the heat of the deer — and she was the arrow, burying into the heat, and she was the deer, screaming at the pain in her shoulder._  
_  
The pain bloomed in white heat in her head, and then she was dragged, carried, suddenly lying on a wooden floor in the hut out in the woods, and two men stepped out between the shadows of the trees. One was brutish, the other had arms that were too long, with clawed fingers and hungry eyes, and he reached for her._  
  
Come closer and I ’ll put one between your eyes!, s _he yelled, but her arms were heavy and her muscles didn_ _’t listen and her voice cracked as the fear clawed its way into her throat._  
_Ellie tried to pull the bow taunt, panic shooting through her as her arms didn’t move. The man loomed over her and stretched his long claws towards her, the hungry, gleeful look in his eyes not matching the gentle tone of his voice. She tried to get up, to run, but her body moved sluggishly, as if she were submerged and had to fight against an ocean of terror._

 _“_ I can protect you.”

 _Ellie flinched, heart racing, twisting and trying to get away. His long arms were stretching past the bars, into the cage, his voice split in a hundred whispers as he stroked her face, her forehead, grasped her hands. She pushed him back and he lunged for her, a long claw slicing and burning her arm, and Ellie was burning as the fires broke out all around her, licking the ceiling_ _…. the smoke rose around her_ … she blinked her watering eyes against it…. _Ellie stared at the wooden ceiling and felt her heart cramp in her chest._ She heard him move next to her _, he_ _’d be on top of her in a second…_ she looked to her right and there was his knife _… Ellie stretched her burning arm, biting her tongue against the pain until she tasted blood, the tears spilling over. She sat up slowly, and there he was, his back to her, and her stomach filled with eyes as she saw him kneeling in front of Joel, tearing torn bloody bandages… They’d found her in the garage, she’d lead them straight to Joel…. David was going to kill him now and then he would come for her and she had to stop him now._

Ellie fought against the heaviness in her muscles, her heart beating so fast it hurt as she lunged forward with a scream and buried the knife in David’s shoulder. With all her might she pulled the knife free and lunged down again, but he spun around and knocked the knife from her hand before he slid to the floor, and Ellie was screaming, screaming until she couldn’t see anything, blindly throwing herself towards him, trying to strangle him, but his hands found hers and grabbed her wrists, and she was too weak, too weak to protect Joel, too weak to save herself, and she could hear him calling her, and his voice was his and his voice was Joel’s…  
  
_Ellie! ELLIE!_  
  
She crumpled forward in a sob, and the fires died as she smelled Joel. She felt his voice more than she heard him, the deep rumble that resonated through his chest as he wrapped her in his arms. She knew this, his hand on her head, but it was the wrong direction… he was supposed to be behind her, not in front of her….  
  
“It’s alright babygirl. You’re safe. _You_ _’re safe_ . I ’ve got you….. You’re safe Ellie…”  
  
Still sobbing she lifted her head, and met Joel’s eyes. He leaned back and grabbed her face with both hands, shaking her gently. “Ellie wake up. Look at me. You’re safe. I’m here. He’s dead. You’re safe.”  
  
Ellie was choking, her hands gripping his as her mind raced to catch up. The room spun around her as images flitted past her, David; a bloody mess beneath her, Joel catching her from behind. The snow melting with the miles. Giraffes, drowning, the hospital, the ceiling of a car. Joel on a ridge looking down on Jackson in the distance. The fall, the runner, her arm, then the world had blurred…. She tried to trust his voice, but the fear was still choking her, and she saw it in Joel’s eyes too. He shook his head slowly, his eyes locked on her.  
  
“Ellie, look down. It’s not him. _It_ _’s not him_ . Look. You ’re safe.”  
  
Her chest was still heaving with panicked sobs, but she fought against it. Slowly, she looked down, ready to jump, to fight, to run, but there on the floor was not David. Instead she saw a woman lying there, clutching her bleeding shoulder, eyes on both of them in alarm, not moving a muscle. Ellie stared at her for a second, until Joel gently turned her head back to him.  
  
“You see? It was just a dream. You are safe. Are you alright?”  
  
Ellie managed the barest nod, although she felt far from alright. Now that the panic was slowly ebbing, her arm was throbbing with pain, and she glanced down to find blood seeping out of a bandage. Joel followed her eyes and nodded.  
  
“You hurt your arm when you fell, remember? I know you’re in pain but I swear it’ll all be alright. I’m gonna let you go now, okay?” Gently, he let go of her, then took her hand and pressed it to her arm. “Ellie, I need you to keep pressin’ on your arm okay? I just need to take care of her for a second, okay? This is Liv. She helped us. She’s a nurse. She’s the one that took care of your arm, before. She knows Tommy. Remember Tommy? My brother?”

Ellie nodded as he slowly backed away from her towards the woman on the ground, who cleared her throat then and spoke as slowly as Joel had. “I’m not going to hurt you or Joel, Ellie. I know this is scary, but just keep breathing slowly and keep pressing on your arm, okay honey?”

She swallowed against the lump in her throat as she realized that there was no danger— _she_ was the danger. Heart still pounding, Ellie crumpled in on herself, pressing on her throbbing arm, while silent tears run down her face.  
  
“I’m sorry. _I_ _’m sorry._ I had this horrible dream and I thought you were hurting him…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ellie. I always thought she must've had PTSD way before the events of Part II (don't worry, this is an everybody lives fic, but we gotta work throught that girl trauma) .
> 
> This one's short, I know, but I felt it made sense to stop here, and I really wanted to get this out before the holidays. I hope you have a nice and relaxing time and you're all staying safe and healthy. Happy Holidays!


	5. Sewing Together

Joel took a deep breath and slowly lowered the hand he still held outstretched to Ellie. He could see how badly she was shaken, and he wanted to comfort her, but the woman— Liv— was bleeding badly on the floor.

He slid to the floor and helped Liv to sit up slowly. Fresh blood welled up as she moved, and he felt her hand tighten on his arm as she suppressed a groan.“How deep is it?”, she asked as she tried to turn her head far enough back to get a look, and he saw how pale her face had gotten.  
  
Carefully he wiped the blood away with a relatively clean patch of his sleeve, only for it to flood back immediately.

“I can’t really see.“ He looked around, searching for the knife that Liv had knocked out of Ellie’s hand. Joel studied the smeared blood on the blade. “A little more than an inch, but not straight down. Can’t see much though, it’s bleeding to heavy.”  
  
He watched her swallow for a second, turning the situation over in her head. Joel was no medic, but he knew that if a tendon got cut, they had little chance of fixing it at all, especially not here and now. Damage control was all they could do.  
She seemed to reach the same conclusion, eyes on Ellie now, a frown on her forehead. Joel felt a rush of protectiveness and worry, his heart still racing faintly. Liv had been careful in the way she approached him, and he hadn’t missed the way the man had studied him before leaving. She seemed like a good person and had helped them, but now, if she considered Ellie a threat—“Just give me one of the rags in that bucket over there and cut open my shirt so I can press down on it for now, stem the bleeding.” Liv nodded to the mixture she’d used to clean their wounds as she sat up straighter, still studying Ellie. “We need to look at your arm, make sure the wound didn’t rip open,” she said to her, voice more or less calm.  
  
His leg was protesting as he tried to stand, the wound pulsating painfully now that the adrenaline was wearing off, his joints aching and cracking. He wasn’t the youngest anymore, but right now, he felt ancient. As he pushed himself up he heard Ellie hiccup a small _okay_ behind him.  
He tried to give her a reassuring look as he hobbled back to Liv with some rags, but Ellie was preoccupied with her wound.  
  
“It _looks_ good, ” she mumbled.  
  
“That’s great, but keep pressing on it just to be sure.” Liv gave her a small smile that turned into a grimace as she tried to rip her shirt open. Joel pushed her hand away and the rags towards her.  
  
“Let me.” To his surprise, she relented and grabbed the cloth from him. Joel brushed her bloodied braid out of the way, then used Ellie’s knife to slice her shirt open across her shoulder. He took her hand and guided it to the wound, letting her press on it.  
  
“Thanks.” Liv got up carefully and hesitated for a moment before she approached Ellie. He hobbled over and sat next to her as Liv slowly reached for her hand.  
  
Ellie sniffled and stared at Liv’s shoulder, and Joel noticed how dark and sunken her eyes looked.  
  
“I’m sorry.”  
  
He saw the corner of Liv’s mouth curl up in a smile. “It’s okay honey. I’ll be alright, no harm done.” The smile was replaced by a frown as she studied the wound. “I’m afraid I’ll have to redo one or two of those… I’ll just check if you’ve got a fever, alright?” She waited for Ellie’s nod before she brushed her hands across her forehead and neck. Joel noticed her grimace deepen before she turned to him. “There’s some improvised broth in one of the pots, why don’t you go get both of you a cup while I fix this up?”  
  
At the mention of the broth, Ellie’s head came up and looked around, nostrils flaring at the scent. The look in her eyes turned his stomach— the look of bone-churning _hunger_ he ’d experienced himself often enough. He wanted to shove any and all remaining food in her hands, but knew Liv was right. She’d just throw up, and they needed to get liquids in her to help fight off the fever.  
  
He bit down his own pained groan as he set to work, and for a moment they all worked silently. Once he got the cup into Ellie’s hands and instructed her to sip slowly, he stood behind Liv to replace her hand, allowing her to work with both hands. Still, despite keeping the pressure and her careful movements, the cloth quickly started to turn red.  
  
Ellie drained the cup, finishing it as quickly as Liv did the stitches, and looked around greedily. “Is there food?”  
  
“Not yet, but more broth.” Liv answered as she rose to her feet. He let her go and grabbed Ellie’s cup to refill it, standing a little closer to Liv who was setting about cleaning the rags.  
  
“How’s she?” he mumbled, low enough for Ellie not to hear.  
  
“Fever, but she’ll be fine I think. Broth, then sleep.”  
  
He gave her the smallest nod, before asking, loudly: “Do you want me to take a look now and stitch it?”  
  
“No, I’ve moved too much. Let me rest for a moment, then we’ll take a look.” She reached past him to dunk the used rags back into the disinfectant solution. “How’s your leg?”  
  
Joel sat back down on the sofa and handed Ellie her cup, then turned his leg to show some fresh blood soaking through. Liv knelt down and pulled the bandage aside slightly.  
  
“Hmm, the stitches look fine, probably just from the movement. Put it up for a bit.”  
  
“What happened?” Ellie demanded.  
  
“Just scratched myself. Ain’t nothing big.”  
  
At his answer, she looked around, taking in her surroundings properly. “Where are we?”  
  
“At a watch post close to Jackson. I was on patrol with some others when we found you, and we decided to hunker down here to patch you two up while the others go and get Joel’s brother to come and pick us up.” Liv’s voice strained as she started to move about. Ellie shot him a look, the deep furrow on her brow probably less due to suspicion and more because of the glassy look in her eyes; the fever seemed to be hitting her hard, and she was visibly struggling to focus. Joel could see the sweat on her brow. He gave her a reassuring nod, which she seemed to accept. Her eyes returned to Liv, and he vaguely heard her ask another question, but lost track of the conversation as he moved his leg up on the sofa and the rush of white-hot pain blotted out anything else. He bit back a groan and laid his head back, eyes closed and white dots dancing.  
  
“Half? You’re kidding, right?” Ellie asked in the incredulous tone only teenagers seemed to manage.  
  
“Keep that half down, you’ll get the other half.” Liv answered, unbothered by Ellie’s tone.  
  
“You’re mean.”  
  
“Yep.” She popped the ‘p’, which made Ellie grumble and Joel grin. He gazed over through half-closed lids; Ellie was holding one of the biscuits Liv had given him earlier. Hopefully Ellie would keep hers down better than he did.  
  
“ _Slowly_ . I know you ’re hungry honey, but you’re gonna throw up. Here, drink some water in between.”

Joel closed his eyes again, and for a moment there was silence, except for Ellie’s chewing at the end of the sofa. When she finished, they argued a little over how fast she’d get the second part, Ellie not realizing that Liv was making her wait by arguing, probably testing her mental status a little as well. In the end, Liv relented, and Ellie happily shut up. He heard some movements around him, and fought hard to stay awake. Joel wasn’t sure how much time had passed until Liv called out his name and touched his shoulder, jolting him awake.  
  
“Sorry”, she grimaced, “ I know you’re completely over the edge, but I’m afraid I need you to patch me up. I prepared everything, you just need to suture it”  
  
“Sure.” He shook himself awake a little and sat up straight. Liv sat down next to him and handed him a wet rag. As she settled in, she brushed her hair to the side with one hand while she brandished another biscuit towards Ellie with the other. “Slowly.”  
  
Ellie grabbed the treat so fast, she didn’t even have time to be annoyed at the admonishment.  
  


They all sat in silence, Ellie working on her biscuit, Joel on Liv’s wound. As he wiped it down, he was relieved to see little blood flood back. Luckily the knife hadn’t been too wide, and it only took three stitches to sew it shut. He’d had plenty experience with sewing wounds, and considered himself decent at it, but Liv still twitched a little at every stitch.  
  
“All done.”  
,  
She passed him a length of rope then and he helped her fashion a makeshift sling to but her arm in. “Thank you.” Liv gave him a smile, pulled up her shirt over the wound and grabbed the needle, thread and the rags to put them back.  
  
“Guess that makes us even.“ He meant it as a joke, but his voice and smile failed him, making him sound like an asshole instead. Liv’s left eyebrow arched up a bit, but she didn’t seem that bothered.  
  
Ellie was still occupied with her biscuit, so he surrendered and laid his head back.  
Next to him the couch dipped a bit, and he heard Liv sigh.  
  
“Alright — between the three of us we’ve barely got a working limb, I’d say we all just sit down and rest for a minute, huh?”  
  
“Sounds good,” he hummed in agreement. Liv grew silent, and soon Ellie’s chewing next to him stopped. It took about a minute for her breathing to even out, and she finally succumbed to her exhaustion. Joel felt the same pull, the heaviness and the ache pulling him under. He tried to keep his eyes open, but soon lost the fight as he, too, drifted off into darkness.  
  
  
  
Liv didn’t move a muscle, partly due to the fact that any movement hurt like shit, partly because she wanted Ellie to go back to sleep, and ideally, Joel too. Not that that had worked particularly well before, but she needed a moment to collect herself, and to rest her arm. It didn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep, and she let out a long-held breath.  
  
She almost wanted to laugh out of sheer frustration. The whole time she’d been so carefully observing Joel, even though she should’ve counted on their shared relation to Tommy to protect her, that she’d completely dismissed that the girl might also be a danger.  
Clearly, she must’ve lived through something horrible— given, most people left in the world had— but the fever that Liv had counted on on keeping her unconscious had instead granted her dream of whatever hell she’d been through. Of course, that wasn’t her fault, and neither was it Liv’s— it was simply a long string of bad luck. The only good thing was that Liv had felt the cushion of the couch dip a second before Ellie struck, which meant the knife had landed in her shoulder instead of in her neck.  
  
Her shoulder that was now throbbing and screaming for attention, but there was nothing she could do. From the knife Joel had shown her, the incision wasn’t too deep, but still deep enough to do damage. It didn’t _feel_ like a tendon was cut, she still had too much range of movement, but the piercing, ripping pain made her certain that there was muscle tissue damaged, which meant she needed to move her arm as little as possible. Of course, that wasn ’t exactly an option right now.  
  
She let her head drop back, settling into the seat a little, favoring her left side to ease up on the wound. Luckily the adrenaline hadn’t worn off that much yet, so she wasn’t in danger of falling asleep, but she really needed a minute.

Liv sat in silence, listening to them sleep, lost in her thoughts. Joel started snoring, and a small smile came to her, because he sounded so eerily like Tommy that any doubt over their relation had to be forgotten.  
  
That thought brought another one with it, and suddenly she realized part of her discomfort — this was Tommy ’s _brother._ She was sure Ellie was not Joel ’s biological daughter, but the way he’d acted with her made it clear that she was as good as, which practically gave Tommy a new niece. And Tommy would accept her with an open heart. If she got them home — and despite all catastrophes it was looking like she would — Tommy would have his family again.  
  
Which meant these two were going to change her life, in whichever way. Maria and her were Tommy’s family, and by that extension, these two sleeping next to her, were now _her_ family, too. Liv knew better than to feel threatened, she was sure Tommy wasn ’t going to ditch her for them, wouldn’t do so even if she weren’t attached to his wife and practically his sister-in-law. Tommy loved her, she knew that. Nevertheless, things would change, and that made her a little uneasy, even if she was so happy for Tommy. Every time he’d talked about his brother and his niece, the sadness had been palpable.  
  
And those two looked so ragged and shaken, Ellie’s attack had just been a confirmation of what she’d already imagined their story might be. Clearly, they deserved rest, deserved a home, a family.  
  
Sunken in thought, she studied them, trying to imagine what changes to her life they would bring with him, trying to think of all Tommy had told her about his brother. Some of it had been told drunk; some late at night, and Liv couldn’t confidently recall all of it, but it was also clear Joel had changed since then. It had been years since they parted, and when they came through Tommy had said his brother had hardened even further than he’d thought possible, but the scene Liv had witnessed earlier seemed to suggest that he’d moved, in part, past that.  
  
They’d all have to figure it out as they went along, but Liv wasn’t too worried. Maria would round them up and pull them all together, like she always did, Tommy would flatten the waves with his jokes and smiles, and she would fill and patch the cracks as best as she could. They’d raised a town like that, they’d raise a family too.  
  
She hazily followed her musings for a while, glad to feel the pain dull in her shoulder, until the shadows grew longer on the walls and she had to get up to tend to the fire and get everything ready for the night. Now, with only one hand to work, she’d take twice as long. She considered waking Joel, but decided against it for now. Either he’d wake up anyhow once she started clamoring about, or she’d wake him for the harder things that could wait.  
  
Her bow was out of the question, so she grabbed her revolver. Also unfortunate to reload with one hand, but it would have to make do. If she got into a situation where six bullets couldn’t cut it, she’d have much worse problems than a torn muscle.  
ng up her utensils, stoking the fire, stirring the pots and making tea.  
  
After half an  
Silently she stalked the windows, then circled the backyard, grabbing some more firewood as she went. No signs of others, no signs of any disturbance. At the front entrance, she ripped out some more fresh grass and gave it to Apollo, who was still happily, calmly munching away. While she was still cautious, her nervousness had washed away, taken with the shock.

As the sun sank and disappeared behind the trees during the next hour, she silently worked, stoked the fire, gathered more wood, cleaned the cloths and changed the water— she sent a silent prayer of thanks to Eugene, who had carried plenty of water in for them— and boiled some more of it. She decided against another garlic solution for now. With all their wounds tended to for now, it would be fine to make one later.  
Liv figured they had enough water for the night, but she ’d rather be safe than sorry, so she took one of the buckets and took the time to go to the brook, taking her time to rest every couple of steps, just to be safe with her shoulder. Once she was finished, she allowed herself to rest for a minute, before she took the track again, this time to refill Apollo’s makeshift trough.  
  
The sun was already behind the pines when she finally locked up, barricading the door again, and then doing the same to the back entrance. She carried an oil lamp from the storage, not lighting it yet, and gathered everything to prepare dinner at a table a few feet away from the couch, where Ellie and Joel were peacefully snoring away.  
  
With a sigh Liv sat down, resting her head on her arm for a minute. Now that the excitement was over, and the precautions were taken care of, the exhaustion set in. Her shoulder was throbbing away and she desperately wanted to lie down and sleep, but her stomach was rumbling silently, and there was no food left except for the broth and one biscuit, and she wanted to keep those for Ellie. She’d been relieved that she had kept both down so well, and Liv was expecting a disagreement as soon as she started cooking, if Ellie were to wake up. She had to suppress a snort as she remembered how feisty Ellie had been despite being starving and feverish. Yeah, she was no Miller by blood, Liv was sure, but she and Tommy would get along great.  
  
Well, as long as they were of the same opinion. If not, Liv would make sure to stay away.

With a groan she pushed herself up and began to peel the potatoes, slowly, finding an awkward angle to rest her right arm on the table that didn’t hurt like hell. She sent a silent prayer of gratitude to the universe that Ellie had struck her right shoulder, leaving her left side unharmed, and her strong hand capable of working still. If she’d have to do this with her right hand, they likely wouldn’t have food until the morning.  
  
Silently, steadily, she worked away, trying not to get lulled in by the repetitive work of peeling and chopping, of the snores behind her, instead trying to focus on any possible sounds coming from the outside. Ever so often her focus slipped, thoughts drifting astray, and she had to force herself back.  
  
Eventually she moved everything over to the fire pit piece by piece, and settled down to fry the potatoes and sausages. By the time she added the beans, water, salt and savory and let everything simmer, the smell of food filled the cabin and made both Ellie and Joel twitch and grumble in their sleep. One of their stomachs rumbled so loud that Liv could hear it two feet away, but she opted against waking Joel yet. If she could get past it, she’d prefer not to wake Ellie at all, the rest more important right now than the food. Instead she occupied herself by cleani

hour all the water had boiled away, leaving a nice stew that reminded her of her childhood, a meal her mother had often improvised out of scraps. Eventually, she went to shake Joel awake quietly; he woke with a grunt, but no big fuss, and eagerly righted himself when he smelled the bowl of stew she pushed in his hands.  
  
“Best I could do under the circumstances.”  
  
“Best I ever had, I swear to God.” His voice sounded so sincere despite his full mouth, she had to stifle a laugh. They ate in easy silence, and in this respect he was not like his brother at all; getting Tommy to shut up was a feat only Maria accomplished. The restraint not to simply wolf down the bowl was visible on his face, and when he’d slowly finished it, he tried very subtly to get a glance at the pot. Liv offered him some more, satisfied with his ability to hold it down, and the subdued relief was a stab in her side. She’d seen so many starving people in the last decade, but the hollow look of desperation it could leave behind never lost its sting. Once, she’d felt it herself, and it was no experience she ever wanted anyone to experience ever again.  
  
Once they were finished, she silently gathered the bowls and wiped them down. As she returned to him, she bowed down and gently checked Ellie’s pulse and temperature. He raised his eyebrows in question.  
  
“Not worse,” she mumbled, and he exhaled grimly. At her beckoning he lifted his leg, and she was glad to see that there was not fresh blood. “ Looks okay. How’s the pain?”  
  
“I’ll live.” Liv refrained from rolling her eyes at him, but he didn’t comment further, instead gesturing for her to turn around. “Hm... Fresh blood, but not much. You been moving much?”

Liv shrugged automatically, immediately regretting it when the pain stabbed through her. “ We needed fire and water and food.”  
  
“You coulda woken me.”  
  
Now she openly rolled her eyes. “Then _you_ would be bleeding now. I could do it with one hand, you couldn ’t have done it without walking. _I_ _’ll live._ ” He scoffed at that. “Do you need to change it?”  
  
“Don’t think so, it’s not too bad, but you probably should sit down for a while.”  
  
She sighed. “Alright, alright. There’s not much to be done anymore anyhow. Now we go into the long night, and wait for the cavalry.” Liv couldn’t help but glance towards the windows, and he followed her eyes.  
  
“Are you worried?”  
  
A small smile came to her face. “Always. But not more than general.”  
  
He frowned and studied her face. “ The last time I came through those bandits came in numbers.”  
  
“Yeah, but they were on the other side of the valley, were they had a bigger camp, and they specifically targeted the plant, because the city walls are fortified, well lit and guarded. They knew the power plant was an easier target, and cutting our power off would make it easier to ambush the weaker parts of the walls in the dark. That attack was one of the worse ones, and Tommy took a bunch of people to mop up the rest. We haven’t had problems with them since, but we know better than to think they’re gone for good. Still, we’ve never seen them on this side. Apart from that, we’ve had a small train of infected move through recently, but nothing we couldn’t handle. A group of travelers, a few weeks ago, they traded with us and left… So I think we’re safe.”  
  
He looked towards the fire and the windows, then back to her. “But still.”  
  
“…But still. Yeah, those windows worry me too. It’s not unusual for a patrol to stay overnight, but then there’s at least three people, all armed and ready.”  
  
Joel nodded along and studied their surroundings. “You barricaded the doors?”  
  
“Yeah, and left my horse in the entry way. Ready to go in a pinch.”  
  
He nodded and leaned back into the sofa. “Then there isn’t much more we can do right now. I like these odds a lot better then the last night I spent.”

Liv laughed at that. “True. Still won’t sleep tonight.”  
  
As she expected, he volunteered. “I can stay up.”  
  
“No, you need the sleep more than I do.” He wanted to argue, and she waved him off. “Alright, you’ll sleep for now, and if I get tired at some point, I’ll wake you, okay?”  
  
“Deal. But I ain’t need to sleep right now. I’m feelin’ much better.”  
  
Liv studied him. “ You look a little healthier at least, but that isn’t that hard to achieve. The first moment I jumped in that ditch I wasn’t sure you were still alive. I’ve seen Infected with healthier complexions.” Joel snorted at that, but Liv continued before he could argue. “ Listen, if you don’t feel like sleeping, you’re welcome to stay awake, even though I would advise you to rest as much as you can.”  
  
He scoffed and looked out the windows, where the light was vanishing quickly in greys, purples and pinks. “ The long night, huh? And what do we do now?”  
  
She followed his eyes and sighed, already feeling tired. “ Now we wait.”


End file.
